Early Lessons of Empty Nesting
Regardless of the stage of parenting you are in, these lessons are for all of us.
After a few weeks of all 3 kids off at college for the first time, I’ve reflected on a few of the things I’ve been embracing as an official empty nester.
This life truly is a solo journey.
Yes, we are part of a family, have friends and community - and thank goodness for all that connection and opportunity to belong and be a part of something. But the fact remains that we are the only one with ourselves for every breath of our lives. No one else. Not our partner, our kids, our besties. We are our own home.
It was a little after my separation 5 years ago when I first heard that “you are your true life partner”. I was wrapped up in the idea of finding my next partner and to be honest, the claim pissed me off a little. I wanted another partner. But as I dedicated more time to myself (time I now had with my 3 kids at their dad’s every other week), I started to understand more about what this actually meant. I had never lived on my own until now. I always felt responsible for someone else and my co-dependent tendencies mixed with my enneagram 2 meant I was usually neglecting myself out of an unconscious need to please and be liked.
After 5 years of self-exploration I can honestly say that I love being my own life partner. In fact, I may be ready for an official commitment ceremony.
How well do you know yourself - especially this midlife version of you? Do you like spending time with yourself? Midlife and this menopause transition can be a beautiful opportunity to get to know your body, heart, and soul even better.
This has come up multiple times with some interviews on my podcast - that the physiological changes we are experiencing can also be viewed as invitations into how we are changing and evolving into the most current version of ourselves. How are you feeling about that invitation?
→ Listen to Episode 22 of my There She Is podcast.
I now get to nurture ME!
All that energy I spent taking care of my kids? I now get to spend it on taking of myself! For me, that translates to prepping loads of yummy veggies and proteins so I can quickly eat the way I want to throughout my work week. Getting to shop, cook, and eat exactly what I want?!? What a treat! I get to go on walks and hikes any time it works for my schedule. I get to honor my desire for nightly routines and put myself to bed at the time that works best for me. Wow…
What if you viewed yourself as your own mother and offered yourself the nurturing you need? What might that look like for you? Do you view taking care of yourself as your responsibility or the responsibility of your partner or someone else? Can you hear your body’s request for care and what she’s asking for?
My role as my kids’ mom has not ended, it’s evolving.
It’s taking time, but we’re all learning how to be in a new mom-young adult child relationship. We snap chat, send reels to each other, and pick up the phone and call. I’m listening and sharing life advice from a very relaxed state (result of #2!). They are coming to me for day-to-day questions and the bigger, “how do I navigate this?” situations. It’s been comforting to feel that this evolution is just one of many we’ll have in our lifetime as mom/child.
How are you adapting and evolving as a parent to your children’s different stages of growth? As they get older, do you talk with them about what they need or want from you and how you can show up for them in that way?
We can (and ought to!) teach people how we want and need to be cared for, and what an empowering gift to start teaching our children.
If this is sounding new or foreign to you, you are not behind and there’s nothing wrong with you. At 51, I just recently started being able to clearly recognize my own needs and wants and am learning how to get them met (which involves feeling worthy of them, being able to communicate them to others, and sitting with the disappointment if and when they can’t be fulfilled - for whatever reason). This is deep work in the waters of boundaries, worthiness, core wounds, communication, and more.
This interpersonal intimacy work is for anyone, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship, divorced, single, or other time in your life. Getting to know yourself more deeply will have profound effects throughout your life, especially in your closest relationships.
Are you ready to choose yourself and meet more of who you are now? Book a call and let’s chat!
